\u2018This is really good stuff, Evie,\u2019 he said, eating with his mouth open, juice and pulpy bits dribbling down his chin.<\/p>\n
Eve dismissed him with a wave and closed her eyes again. She concentrated on her sunbathing and sighed. Adam was a boring twat at the best of times. Every time he found something new he\u2019d dance around like an idiot, demanding attention. The world would be better off without him. And that stupid thing hanging between his legs like some sort of rotting fruit, Je-sus<\/em>. She wished he\u2019d cover it up; it made her want to wretch. “Intelligent design”, my arse, she thought.<\/p>\n \u2018Try it,\u2019 his voice boomed above her as Adam’s shadow moved to block out the sun. It was a little chilly.<\/p>\n Suddenly, weight pressed down on her stomach. Her eyes sprung open to see Adam sitting on her about to force the green fruit into her mouth.<\/p>\n She smacked the fruit away and shouted, \u2018What is<\/em> your pro<\/em>blem? I totally, like, need<\/em> my space.<\/em>\u2019 She motioned towards his groin with disgust. \u2018Get that fucking thing<\/em> off me.\u2019<\/p>\n Adam didn\u2019t budge. \u2018This is really, really tasty. I want you to just take a bite, you\u2019ll like it, I know you will. Go on, just for me, go on. Look, it\u2019s either this or… my little monster here. And I know which one you\u2019d prefer.\u2019 He snorted with irritation.<\/p>\n She could sense the beast stirring, tossing about on her midriff. Oh God no<\/em>.<\/p>\n \u2018Alright,\u2019 she said, \u2018just one fucking bite and then get you right off.\u2019<\/p>\n Adam lowered the shiny, green fruit to her mouth and she took a bite. It was quite sweet, delicious really and the citric tang gave it a bit of oomph she hadn\u2019t expected. The skin was a bit dry.<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s okay, I suppose.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Just okay?<\/em>\u2019 Adam sounded as if she\u2019d just criticised a meal he\u2019d spent fifteen hours preparing. It was just a bit of fruit, for God\u2019s sakes. Hang… the fuck… on<\/em>.<\/p>\n Eve asked, \u2018Where did you get this from?\u2019<\/p>\n :: WOULD SOMEONE CARE TO EXPLAIN WHAT BEFELL ONE OF MY SPECIAL APPLES ::<\/p>\n \u2018Oh you shit, Adam, you twatty shi-\u2019<\/p>\n :: YOU KNOW, FROM THE TREE THAT BEARS THE RATHER UNAMBIGUOUS SIGN \u2018CAUTION: BEWARE OF GOD\u2019 ::<\/p>\n Adam leapt up with amazing dexterity. \u2018It wasn\u2019t me, it was her.\u2019 He dropped the apple as if it were hot.<\/p>\n :: WELL THAT DIDN\u2019T FUCKING LAST LONG DID IT ::<\/p>\n Eve formulated a plan.<\/p>\n She pointed at the thing between Adam’s legs and said: \u2018It was the snake. The snake made me do it.\u2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u2018This is really good stuff, Evie,\u2019 he said, eating with his mouth open, juice and pulpy bits dribbling down his chin. Eve dismissed him with a wave and closed her eyes again. She concentrated on her sunbathing and sighed. Adam was a boring twat at the best of times. Every time he found something new […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hammerport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hammerport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hammerport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hammerport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hammerport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=87"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.hammerport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/87\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hammerport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=87"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hammerport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=87"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hammerport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=87"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}